1,000 Waves-poem

1,000 Waves

by Autumn Komzik

 

1,000 waves across the sea

1,000 memories made up you and me.

 

Your eyes crinkled at the corners when you smiled

How the books around you, piled.

How you cut the edges off your toast,

How you liked Rock and Roll the most.

 

The waves spread across the sea,

Turning from one into an infinity.

 

The way we jumped in the leaves in the fall,

How you were so tall, and I was so small.

How you kissed me on a football field,

How in a debate about skim milk, you would never yield.

 

Our memories spread across time

Turning from one, to this entire life of mine.

 

You held me when I left my coat,

If I tickled you, you’d give up the remote.

Your eyes were blue like the ocean,

And changed color with every emotion.

 

One day the 1,000 waves hit the land,

Breaking one by one against the sand.

And like the sand,

We slipped–beautiful crystals through our hands.

1,000 “I love you’s” ended in goodbye,

A final hug, tears in our eyes.

 

How do you forget 1,000 things?

How do you let go of 1,000 dreams?

 

It’s been twenty years and 1,000 things–

Jobs, friends, lovers, wedding rings.

 

But when I visit the ocean, look out across the water

I still see

1,000 waves, you and me.

Boy meets girl

Boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall in love. Boy and girl get married and live happily ever–boy and girl get a divorce. 

When I was in high school I knew a couple who were madly in love, Dean and Bobbie. They were that couple that made you believe fairy tale love complete with Princesses and Prince Charmings does exist. Both in their early twenties, Dean and Bobbie were successful, attractive, adventurous, and best friends. Even though every girl I knew secretly wanted to end up with Dean, we all knew he and Bobbie belonged together. They were soulmates. Anyone else would be wrong. 

In 2006 Dean and Bobbie had the most beautiful wedding and started their happily ever after. 

I went to college and only saw them occasionally over Winter and summer breaks. They were still madly in love, still living the fairy tale.

After I graduated I realized I hadn’t seen them in a good long time. What do you do when you haven’t seen someone in a while? You look them up on Facebook. When I pulled up the names I saw one thing: DIVORCED. 

I was STUNNED. They were so in love. They completed each other. There was a time when they couldn’t live without each other. WHAT HAPPENED? 

Love is the most powerful thing in the world. If so many people believe in this, why can’t it seem to last forever? 

Because we starve it. 

A general principle in life on keeping something alive, strong, healthy is that you have to take care of it. You have to feed it. Remember those gigga pet things (sorry about the spelling!)- the electronic pet that died if you forgot to feed it one time? Hah! But in all seriousness how many of us got our gigga pet with the determination and devotion that our pet would live forever? Anyone still have a “living” gigga pet? Case and point. 

I think we think and treat love as if it somehow is self sustaining. For years we never feed it, never give it nutrition and we wake up one day to find its just gone. 

What is the key to staying in love? Feed it. What does love thrive on? ROMANCE. 

Why is love dying? Because romance is dying. Romance doesn’t necessarily mean chocolates and hearts and poems. Romance is finding out how to make your mate feel like a million bucks. Not just once, not just twice…but for the rest of your life. 

You may say, “I suck at romance! I am just not a romantic person, I don’t even know where to start with being romantic!” 

Romance is something you can learn. And if you want love that lasts a lifetime, it’s something you’ve got to learn. 

   Love isn’t how much you say it. It’s how much you prove it true. 

 

A really great book I found a while back is 1,000 Ways To Be Romantic. Literally exactly what it sounds like. Another great read on learning romance is The Five Love Languages. everyone is different, including what ways make us feel loved. 

Just remember the key to romance is the other person. Find out what makes them feel special and what makes them feel loved. 

Happily ever afters still exist. They are hard work, but the best things in life rarely come easy! 

Cheers and best wishes to your happily ever after! 😊❤️ 
  

The Hold, a poem

The Hold, a poem

I gave you my heart

Each piece and every part.

I believed for love you had to fight

Give it your all–hold on

Each day and every night.

Happy days came and happy days went

Love is best when it is spent.

Storms came and the storms were strong

I held on for so long.

Lightning split the sky

The wind howled

The waves swelled

The thunder growled.

I held on each day and every night

Because you were worth the fight.

With the rising tide

I felt my fingers weaken

And I started to slide;

I held on tighter-

Strengthened my grip

But I continued to slip.

I looked back, I was headed for a dark sea

I could not hold on

When the only one holding on

was me.

-AK

I am someone who believes love doesn’t quit, is worth fighting for–giving your everything for. But sometimes do we give that love someone who doesn’t love us the same way?  Do we give it to someone who would quit on us?  Do we give it to someone who doesn’t fight for us? Who would let us go? Sometimes, as sad as it is, as much as it goes against our loving someone through the thick and thin, we have to let this person go. You are worth more than that! There is going to be someone out there that will love you fiercely not just kind of love you. But you won’t ever find them if you don’t let go of the wrong person.I don’t know about you but I want someone who fights for me…who is crazy in love with me….who would never let me go no matter what. That’s the kind of love that lasts a life time.

If our own parents aren’t divorced we at least know a friend, co-worker, boyfriend or girlfriend, or spouse whose parents are divorced or they themselves have been divorced. And the people who are still together, still married didn’t seem happily married. When I was a little kid this terrified me. It terrified me that people who once loved each other so much could no longer want to be together; it terrified me that love could be fallen out of. Now, I’m in my twenties and it still scares me.

One of my responsibilities at work is the sacred duty of keeping charge of the Master Calendar. I have a wall dedicated to this enormous calendar. The calendar contains the current month and the following two months after it. Part of my ob is making sure every appointment is kept and information is announced and advertised at the appropriate time in advance. Every single day, several times a day I check the calendar. I am constantly updating it with new and vital information–date changes, new events, etc. I have notes written at my desk, reminders on my computer for especially important dates I need to remember. My job depends on not missing a date. I pour my heart and energy into keeping up with this calendar because I want to be great at my job, be promoted, reach my dreams and because, frankly I don’t want to lose it.

What if we treated our relationships like our jobs (I know some of you hate your job, so maybe this isn’t a good analogy for you, but think about something you LOVE…football, writing, working out, traveling; I know I don’t love my job all the time!). What if we poured our energy and time into our relationships because we knew if we didn’t…we’d lose them. There is a saying which says something about how you spend your time defines what you love. If we love the people in our lives, why do we so often forget about them? Why do we so often forget what their favorite song is, what story they told us last week, when their birthday is, what the little things are that make them smile, or what things they dream of doing.

We take the people in our lives for granted. Thinking about work–if I dressed sloppy day in and day out, forgot dates, showed up late for things or didn’t show up at all, had a sour attitude all the time, didn’t pay attention or was on my phone 24/7…I would get fired. Why do we do the same things to the people in our lives and expect to have a thriving relationship??? If we just let ourselves go….forget important things over and over again…be a grump all the time…never show incentive or not show up for things, or don’t listen our relationships grow weaker and weaker and before we know it they’re gone.

Love is about ACTION. “I love you” isn’t just a phrase you mumble as you walk out the door. Love needs to be felt…and how love can be felt is by being shown. If you want a great love story, one of those people who never fall out of love…it’s going to be hard work.

Thinking about my work calendar and how I write every important thing down, I thought this could work for relationships. I’m a forgetful person and I know it. What if we wrote down, had a special calendar or book dedicated to our significant other. We had all the special dates marked, notes about the things they mentioned they like, places they dream of going, songs that give them goose bumps, etc. and we constantly checked and updated this calender. We made it a point to not miss a day; we made it a point to make that person feel special; we made it a point to make them know they are important. What if we were DEDICATED to showing that person we loved them everyday? I think a lot of things would change.

For anything to last a long time (houses, plants, furniture, cars, etc.) you have to take care of it, you have to give it “love”. If things aren’t taken care of they rust away, shrivel up really quickly. It’s the same with our relationships. You have to try. You have to give effort. You have to give your time. You aren’t always going to get it right. You are going to mess up, but what you will get right is making that person in your life know they are loved.

I know divorce happens for many different reasons, unrelated to this. But, I also think that just maybe love wouldn’t be fallen out of so easily if we took it more seriously.

D E R E K…man or monster?

Nadia looked at her phone, afraid to see how late it was. 2:04 AM. A day spent helping about 1000 people-packs of children, moms pushing obnoxiously sized strollers, couples walking hand in hand, and huge families that decided it would be a great idea to go to the zoo for their reunion were all in her work day future. She needed to turn in, she was exhausted.  But then she heard the little ding that had been her central focus for nearly a week. That had kept her awake till nearly 3:00 AM every night. Her eyes popped back up to the screen of her mac book to see she had a juicy message waiting. Her heart beat quickened as she opened the message from him- a man she thought didn’t exist – couldn’t exist.

Two weeks ago she had been engaged.  For all her life she dreamed of finding a good man and getting married and living happily ever after. It always seemed like it would be a piece of cake. Then came a slew of crummy relationships and a quickly ended engagement. They had all led her to doubt if  her dream of happily ever after could ever happen; or if real men even existed.  She was sick of getting her heart broken. Sick of being on a roller coaster ride of emotions. She was sick of the game of dating and for now she had enough of it! Becoming a nun and living a quiet life of celibacy was an idea rolling around in her head. Perhaps things would be easier that way.

And then he came along- the man who had been keeping her awake until the wee hours of the night – the man that caused her to hope again : Derek.

da…da…da

He didn’t come along like the other guys. Nadia was beautiful. Strangers were daily proclaiming her beauty to her. “I just have to tell you…you’re GORGEOUS!”; “You look exactly like Olivia Wilde!” ; “I want your eyes!” ; “You’re like the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen!”  With her perfect figure, long thick golden hair, straight white teeth and bright green eyes, getting guys to notice her wasn’t difficult. In fact, getting guys NOT to notice her was the hard part. And right now she wanted nothing to do with the boys that ran around thinking they were men.

How Derek came along was subtle. He didn’t come along with a cheesy pick-up line asking for her number. He didn’t come along bragging about how much he could “lift”. He didn’t come along trying to impress her with jokes. He didn’t come along like most guys, which was why he was able to get close. He sneaked into her life through a lit-up rectangle screen and housed in a mysterious world known as …..“The Internet”.

Nadia never believed in meeting a man online and finding love by means of the internet. It was just plain weird in her mind. But here she was now…a week later, daring to believe in the impossible. Derek was so sweet and romantic. He made Nadia feel like she was the most amazing person in the world…and not just her body, her heart. He wasn’t cocky. He was humble and funny. Nadia glanced at his picture. Other than the fact he was an absolute gem personality-wise he was good looking…quite good looking. He had a dazzling smile that carved adorable dimples in his cheeks, he had big deep green and brown eyes with thick eyelashes and a full head of brown hair. He was like a thief in the night…the object of his desire…was her heart. And very quickly, he was stealing it. She read his message, her heart pounding.

“I know this is going to sound crazy…but I think I’m falling in love with you. In fact…I know it. I feel it in my heart. Do you ever just know things? I mean know them in your heart? I’ve never felt this connection with anyone…ever. I always used to think the idea of soul mates was stupid…until I met you…I feel like my soul is bonded to you somehow. Goodness! Is this crazy or what?”

Nadia gasped. It was crazy…but so romantic!  Part of her mind begged her to reconsider. Begged her to be careful. Begged her to at least wait until she met the guy when she went back to college in a week. The other part of her wanted to fall into his internet arms…confessing her love for him. They did have a strong…almost unreal connection after all. And he had made her heart feel alive and happy again. Could it be true? Could people fall in love on the internet?

A week later –

I looked at the computer screen that had an endless slide show of pictures of Nadia’s “internet man”, Derek, floating across it. He was pretty darn cute I even had to admit…in almost all of the 54 pictures he sent her. There was only one picture that confused me. A picture of “Derek” that barely looked like the handsome buck he was in all of the rest of the pictures. I actually couldn’t figure out how this person…could even be same person in the 53 other photos. Oh well. I knew I shouldn’t be shallow. According to Nadia, Derek was a rare find in a man. He was a gem. And his looks didn’t matter. Still I the whole thing was weird. I am a total romantic. I believed in love and in soul mates and I believed you could meet them in the craziest ways; but I was wary of meeting them through the internet. It just seemed so shady. So impersonal.  When Nadia told me how she thought she met “the one” two weeks after breaking up with her fiance, needless to say I was skeptical…but by the glow in her eyes I hoped it was true.

I supposed we would find out if it was true, if she had found the man of her dreams, in just about an hour…when she would met him face to face.

…To Be Continued…

What do you think of internet dating? Do you think it’s possible to find love online?

 

 

 

 

“For Everything he did Wrong, He did One thing Right” Lessons From Juan Pablo

Lessons from Juan Pablo #2 “For All the things he did wrong, he did do one thing right: show us what NOT to look for in a mate.”
I used to wish that the name of the person I was supposed to be with could be simply written on an index card and slipped into my mailbox entitled, “Autumn’s Soul Mate.” How easy would life be? But, if it did happen this way, there are so many things we wouldn’t learn. I believe God gave us common sense, and He wants us to use it.
One thing that bugged me about Juan Pablo is that he couldn’t seem to come up with specific reasons for liking a girl; for Nikki he said, “She is soooooooo sexy;” “She’s a good kisser;” “She’s beautiful,” and then lastly “She has a heart for people.”Umm…ok. Getting compliments on our looks is GREAT! But you want someone that appreciates your inside too. Juan Pablo managed to pick out that ‘she has a heart for people’ and that ‘she was honest (which he said about EVERYONE)’. Two great qualities, but he tended to obsess about the girls looks more than anything. WARNING: if a guy (or a girl for the guys) when asked why they like you can only list things about your appearance, this could mean a serious red flag.
Do you want love that lasts for a life time? Then you need to look for certain qualities in a person! Here is a list of some “must have” qualities to look for:

1. Honesty
One speaker put it perfectly, “A woman can live with an imperfect man, but never a liar!” You want someone you can trust. In fact it is very hard to have a relationship filled with love if there isn’t trust. And beware of the little lies…it can mean he/or she is very comfortable telling them.
2. Respect
When someone has learned to respect others, they have an amazing quality. You want someone that is in the habit of viewing people, all people with having an amazing value. Lack of respect screams of a person that is full of themselves and hard to get along with. Do you really want to be with that? A person that is respectful will value your thoughts and opinions and body. A respectful person will not make you feel cheap and used. (Btw…if someone makes you feel bad about his/her going to strip clubs or looking at porn…you are not the crazy, jealous girlfriend or boyfriend they may have called you…you just want to be valued and respected…and in fact they are just being incredibly disrespectful!!!)
3. Kindness/Consideration/Communication
Juan Pablo struck down in this category. He seems like a nice guy so I’ll give him that but, he was extremely inconsiderate and bad at communication. This became clear as the Bachelor Season started to wind down. He didn’t ask questions (it was all about him and his needs) and time and time again he was rude under the guise of “being honest.” You need an honest person, but you need someone who can say “hard, honest things” in a very kind respectful and loving way-it’s called being considerate. Also, along the same lines, look for someone that is just a nice person! I will never understand the obsession with the “bad boy/bad girl.” Someone that smiles, talks kindly to people, and is genuinely caring will be “more exciting and fulfilling” in the long run than someone who is “dangerous.” Lastly, I wedged communication in here, because it really is an important quality. Good communicators ask questions and give real answers. (Bad Communication example from Juan Pablo: saying “It’s Ok” all the time…)Communicators learn how to open up and share their feelings.
4. Loyal
My stomach sort of did a flip when Juan Pablo’s family warned the girls how he would just “peace out” when the going is tuff. WHAT? If your boyfriend or girlfriend’s family member tells you this, run for the hills! If you want to be in love for a life time it is absolutely necessary to have the kind of person that cares enough about the relationship to fight for it. Life is full of ups and downs you want someone you can rely on through the journey.

To sum up, look for someone with, “A Good Name”- having a “good name” is having established good character. This is the kind of person you want. This is the kind of person you will admire and love for a lifetime.

As you start dating and “talking” to potential mates guard your heart and check for character. NOTE: Again, no one is perfect; but you want someone who strives for good character, who though they may and will fail, they never stop striving for those good qualities.

UP NEXT: Ever since I was little I was obsessed “love” and “Mr. Right.” I was always sure that I would find my soul mate and be madly in love with him forever. But, as I grew up, I actually wondered if true love could last. Thousands of marriages fall apart every single year; and people fall out of love at an alarming rate! Then, there are the people that stay married and “grow old together”- they simply seem to have nothing better to do than to bicker and complain about the other person. So I pose this question: is life-long love just a fairy tale?
I decided that it isn’t.
Read my next blog entry titled, “True love: just for fairy tales?” Lesson’s from Juan Pablo.

Lessons from Juan Pablo

Do Prince Charming’s exist? A look at Romance….

I can tell you that after the Bachelor’s Juan Pablo, a lot of girls out there probably lost all hope in the male species. But, there is hope! Our Princes are out there, but they are rare and can be hard to find!

In today’s society, we are hammered into our minds to “follow our hearts”- we are told it’s the only true way to fall in love. However, I say follow your head first and then open your heart and give it away to the RIGHT MAN. The first lesson that we can learn from Juan Pablo actually centers around Nikki, Claire, and all of us women who choose to follow our hearts.

You watched it, painfully I might add, as Nikki and Claire had the red flag of “danger!” “danger!” waving in front of their faces time and time again. They even would question the red flag for a moment and then…right when you think they would do something about it…they succumbed to the “charm’s” and “ok’s” and “everything is great’s” and “honesty” of Juan Pablo. All of us watching saw it, (even me! Who btw at first kept making excuses for him-I wanted to believe he was a good guy!) and we all couldn’t understand why the girls would do nothing about it! Well, girls most of us have all been in Nikki and Claire’s situation.

We have all “followed our heart”, letting our feelings take over our better judgment. What happens, for girls and guys alike, is we start liking someone without knowing what qualities to look for in a person-we just put it all on the line (our hearts, emotions, lives) based souly on what our heart tells us. For me, that meant making excuses for bad things the guy would do, over and over again. My friends would tell me things that they were concerned about, but I would dismiss it and be totally blind in my feelings. It has been said that “love is blind”-which is a good thing when you are in love with a good person (that way you look past their small mistakes!); but “blind love” can just mean “heart break” and “unhappiness” if we have chosen to fall in love with a person lacking good character. I have been guilty of this simply “following my heart” without stepping back and thinking clearly and of course at the end of the road I got a broken heart. There is a better way!

How do we find our Mr. Right? First, we need to step back and figure out the essential qualities that need to be in a life-mate. And I’m not saying a crazy list of “perfections”-REMEMBER NO ONE IS PERFECT! But true love that lasts a long time can happen when you are with someone that has good character.

Next time I’ll write about some key qualities to look for in a mate titled, “For all the things Juan Pablo did wrong, he did one thing right: show us what NOT to look for in a relationship!” haha! Long title I know, but come on, pretty funny!

Do Prince Charmings Exist? A Look at Romance

After watching the painful episode of last night’s The Bachelor, firstly, I never want to hear the word “Ok” again….then it dawned on me, do Prince Charmings and Knights in Shining Armors even exist?…..TO BE CONTINUED