1,000 Waves-poem

1,000 Waves

by Autumn Komzik

 

1,000 waves across the sea

1,000 memories made up you and me.

 

Your eyes crinkled at the corners when you smiled

How the books around you, piled.

How you cut the edges off your toast,

How you liked Rock and Roll the most.

 

The waves spread across the sea,

Turning from one into an infinity.

 

The way we jumped in the leaves in the fall,

How you were so tall, and I was so small.

How you kissed me on a football field,

How in a debate about skim milk, you would never yield.

 

Our memories spread across time

Turning from one, to this entire life of mine.

 

You held me when I left my coat,

If I tickled you, you’d give up the remote.

Your eyes were blue like the ocean,

And changed color with every emotion.

 

One day the 1,000 waves hit the land,

Breaking one by one against the sand.

And like the sand,

We slipped–beautiful crystals through our hands.

1,000 “I love you’s” ended in goodbye,

A final hug, tears in our eyes.

 

How do you forget 1,000 things?

How do you let go of 1,000 dreams?

 

It’s been twenty years and 1,000 things–

Jobs, friends, lovers, wedding rings.

 

But when I visit the ocean, look out across the water

I still see

1,000 waves, you and me.

The little seed that sprouted into a book

I was thinking today about the first little thought I had that led to the creation of my book. What was it? Where did it all begin? What was that one little seed of an idea that led to something huge–hopefully really huge, as in published huge–?

The idea of my book literally came from a dream I had a long time ago, when I was in my teens. 

Several types of people show up in dreams…there’s you, the main character; then sometimes, many times your best friends, they are the side kicks or the Robin to you, Batman; then there’s the people you think about ALOT, the Prince Charming of your dream. Of course you have your dream villains who come out in every shape and form (cafeteria lady, random customer, your arch nemesis, a cupcake….etc.). Beyond these main players in a dream you also have random people–the fillers; they make up the backdrop. I don’t know about you but half of the time I am like “who are these people?!?!” I don’t recognize them at all…not a bit! I’ve told myself they come from images my mind retained but I don’t remember at all. For example–the people you pass by in Walmart. 

Getting to the point, one of these filler people appeared more and more in my dreams….slowly working up to becoming Robin status. And I wondered if the person really existed out there somewhere. 

There was the idea. 

My book is about a girl who in her dreams is madly in love with a guy who in real life doesn’t exist….or does he? I threw in a murder and a wedding, to spice it up. 

So that’s my story on how a little thought sprouted into the creation of my book. ūüėÄ

What about you? What was the idea, life moment that led to your book? 

A few paragraphs from Book II!

A few paragraphs from my second book! This has a small glimpse of one of my favorite characters: Miss Sadie Bee.

Mercedes shook her head. If she thought about Kale Desmin one more time today she may as well start a fan club for him, complete with jackets and autograph signings. He was such a mystery and one she wouldn’t mind solving…at least in her wildest dreams.

She looked back at Sadie Bee’s¬†dark, probing¬†eyes, wondering if she should confess everything to the cook. It was after all, just the two of them in the kitchen, as it usually was every morning. It was a tradition, almost; Mercedes and Miss Bee would come down earlier than the rest of the staff, drink coffee and talk¬†about whatever random subject was running through Miss Bee’s¬†mind.¬†This morning had Miss Bee sharing how she was certain mice were intelligent creatures. She said, “They got to be sorta smart if theys can manage to get cheese outta a mouse trap and not set the darn thing off.” She glared at the scrawny tabby cat lounging in the corner in a patch of sunlight. “You useless, you knows that?” Shaking her head she took a sip of her black coffee. “Sometimes I sees this one mouse, he be the leader I think, he just look at me…like he’s challenging me. It ain’t natural, that’s for sures.”

Mercedes hesitated. How she wanted to let out her secret. It was like steam trapped in a tea kettle.¬†Sadie Bee¬†could be trusted, but¬†the problem was the entire house (other than Pearl and Mrs. Tyson, of course) hated Kale. Mercedes would have to bring him up in a roundabout way. “I was just…thinking…about Ka–Mr. Desmin,” she let the name hang in the air.

Miss Bee’s face scrunched, the same way it had when she found mouse droppings in the cupboard. “Why would you be thinking on him?”

“No particular reason…” Mercedes started.¬†She drummed her fingers on the table. “But I wonder what his fianc√© was like; I wonder if he loved her; I wonder why he left her.”¬†She looked off again, reimagining the pain in Kale’s golden eyes as he spoke of the girl.

Miss Bee grunted. “Child, that man didn’t love her. No man that loves a girl would just leave her stand’n there to be publicly humiliated.”

“But–I wonder about the facts…” -Pg. 27 (Book II)

Hope Everyone is having a great weekend!

Wings, a poem

Wings

A poem by Autumn Komzik

Down, down far below

Was a place I longed to go.

Each day I strained my eyes to see,

A place I only dreamed to be.

A little town, a mountain peak,

Grassy pastures and a crystal creek.

My friends would often come and go

And tell of the wonders down below.

I longed to join them in that place,

But I was trapped in fate’s embrace.

Separated by a chasm far and deep–

I was perched on a cliff narrow and steep.

Make the jump–it was the only way;

It was the one price required to pay.

Below the rocks were sharp as knives

There was the chance one wouldn’t survive.

I looked over the edge and hugged the wall;

I chose to stay and never to fall.

I lived my life always to dream;

I never felt the crystal stream,

Or stood on the top of the mountain peak,

Or laid in pastures grassy and sweet;

I never walked on streets of cobblestone–

I lived up here…all alone.

A life wasted, almost gone by;

I never truly lived, because I was afraid to die.

Make the jump–it was the only way

Not to waste one more day.

Now more afraid not to jump at all

I step over the edge, and take the fall.

The air around me sings,

And I discover all along, I had wings.

-Autumn Komzik

Don’t be afraid of to fail, be afraid not to try.

Little Things, a poem

Little Things

A heart beat

A music note

A word said

And a word wrote.

A flower petal

A silver dime

A drop of rain

And a minute of time

A first kiss

A laugh with a friend

A snow flake

And watching a life begin.

A bread crumb

A grain of sand

A blade of grass

And holding your hand.

A pink sunset

A red sunrise

A stranger’s smile

And the look in your eyes.

A “I love you”

A “I love you too”

A “I’m sorry”

And a “I’m sorry too”

A mean look

A little lie

An angry word

And a silent cry.

A dinner missed

A word unspoken

A call unmade

A promise broken.

A tiny rumor

A match spark

A little virus

And a deal in the dark.

A cigarette

A punch and hit

A drunken drive

And an atom split.

Years are made of days

And days are made of minutes

Life is made of moments

And the choices in it.

Little things aren’t so small-

A word, a minute, a look, a choice–

These are our life’s sails

And when we are gone, these will be our life’s voice.

-By Autumn Komzik

Have you ever laughed at someone else’s misfortune…that YOU caused??

And you tried not to laugh, you really tried, but it could not be helped. The laughter came out in suppressed waves of giggles and then finally erupted into flinging your head back into the air or hugging your stomach that hurt because you could not stop laughing. You kept trying to stop, but you were no longer in control. You felt like the terrible person you were.

This is one of those stories.

It was another¬†summer day at the zoo.¬†We had just experienced what we termed “A Rain-Forced Rush”. A Rain Forced Rush was the unexpected¬†and sudden visit of thongs of people filling the restaurant do to rain. On a day that had been already so busy our food supply was nearly wiped out, we were unprepared for the sky to turn gray and thunder to rumble and drops of rain that sent a literal mob of people that were all “Hangry”.

People of all shapes and sizes squeezed into the restaurant, exceeding the max capacity by a crazy number. They filled practically every corner of the place, and it didn’t help half of the them were¬†manning monstrous strollers that were¬†practically the size of a smart car (you know those strollers with three wheels and enough seats for the entire family to be pushed around in). Kids were screaming, adults were screaming. It was madness.

By the time the people were done with us we had about two ice cream cones, a hotdog, and a squeezed beyond recognition bag of cotton candy left over.

Then! There is was! The sun! Breaking through the clouds the sun beamed into the restaurant signaling the rain storm was over and we were saved. The people left just as quickly as they came (so quickly I was afraid someone would be trampled!) and in their departure a disaster. Cups strewn across the tables and floors, red cherry slushy mixture and melted ice cream puddled the floor, napkins here there everywhere, tables and chairs upturned, mashed French fries and half eaten corndogs littered the area.

Our manager knew that the day was rapidly coming to an end and there were still nearly half of the staff that had not gotten a break. He sent them all on break and the rest of us unlucky ones who already had our break were on clean up crew.

I had the wonderful task of tending to the trash. There were about 10 trash cans, each of them filled and overflowing and foul. I put gloves on and moved from trash can to trash can, lugging the 30 lb. filled bags back to the backside of the restaurant where the dumpster was. trash

For my story to make sense I have to quickly explain the room where the dumpster was. It was like a mini “garage”¬†attached to the end of the restaurant.¬†¬†The dumpster was elevated about two feet above the small walkway, I’m not sure why this was done but I can tell you it made tossing trash into it quite the exercise, especially for those of us who are short. Opposite side of the dumpster were two chairs and a bucket for cigarette butts, this was our lovely “break area”. Not even a coffee corner! Haha! Most of the time I ate outside, I mean facing a trashcan while you are eating your lunch is hardly appetizing.

Once I had gathered all the trash bags in a nice pile I set to work on getting them into the dumpster. I greeted my friends Will and Mike who were on break and occupying the two chairs in the “break area” and joked about how I was going to have crazy arm muscles after all of this heavy lifting. I had an art to how I got the trash in the dumpster, I¬†perched on the edge of the stairs¬†that were the same height as the dumpster and tossed the trash bags in from there. It was an angled toss, but I had become an expert. Quickly I tossed in bag after bag, feeling disgusting by the revolting smell that seeped from the each bag. Mean while Will, the Zoo’s jokester was making joke after joke and laughing in his usual way.

Every now and then you will get a trash bag that I call a “juicer”. Juicer trash bags are the worst because like the name implies they are filled with “trash juice” (an unholy mixture of all liquids that are in the bag…diaper juice, oil, ketchup, soda, ice cream, slush, etc.). I picked up the bag, it was the last one! When I picked it up, I didn’t notice the bag was punctured and trash juice was spilling onto the ground.¬†At the exact moment¬†Will opened his mouth widely, roaring with laughter at some joke Mike cracked, I tossed the trash bag into the dumpster. All I saw was a reddish brown juice fly through the air. And splash! It made contact with it’s¬†victim.¬†¬†The juice flung¬†across Will’s face…and into his wide open mouth.

It was like everything was in slow motion for a few seconds. Me and Mike stared at Will in shock…and then at each other. Did that just happen? Will’s eyes were huge and filled with the most awful look of horror. The red juice dripped down his face and his open mouth was frozen in position.

Mike said, “Dude…”

And I…began my apologizing. “Will! I am so sorry! Oh my gosh, I’m so so so so sorry. I can’t believe….bahahahahahahahahahahaha!” The laughter began to take hold of me. My voice began to shake and my body trembled because the laugher longed to escape. Finally I couldn’t hold it in any longer. Wild laughs exploded out of me. I felt awful but I couldn’t stop! I tried, but I just… was rolling.

trying not to laugh

Trying not to laugh

laughing

Not succeeding…

bursting into laughter

laughter has taken over

Will got up, groaning in horror and ran to the dish washing sink and using the commercial sprayer sprayed his mouth and entire face off.

Meanwhile, I watched, still laughing.

Will did forgive me

….eventually.

What kind of hugger are you?

What Kind of Hugger are you?

This past weekend I was caught up in thinking about hugs and huggers. It started off because¬†I had one of those blue days where¬†I was¬†just sad and I felt like I was in desperate need of a hug,¬†which then led me to think even more about the many hugs I’ve experienced and given along the way.¬†And then I ended up coming up with the following¬†categorization of¬†huggers. ¬†Where do you fall in the list?

Sider slider – We have all experienced or even delivered this kind of hug. Sider sliders are slick. You reach out to hug them and somehow¬†you end up getting a squeeze around the shoulders, from a side angle. The side sliders keep it safe. They don’t want to be rude, but they also don’t feel comfortable with full blown hugs.

awkward side hug

The Pros- The Pros are confident huggers. They know just how much to squeeze and exactly how long to hug. They usually keep it casual with a small tap on the back that seems like the “this hug is ending” signal. The Pros can read people like a book-they know who to hug and who not to hug.

 Hugaphobic РThis category describes an individual who would spray raid on someone, anyone who attempted to hug them. If you have even attempted to hug an individual in this category, you probably remember that dreaded feeling that you were on the verge of death the moment you wrapped your arms around the person, but it was too late to pull back. You were committed. And once you survived the encounter, you will never make the mistake again.

no hugging

The Free Hugger- The individuals in this category of hugging probably own a “free hugs” t-shirt. No not really ;). These people walk around fearlessly giving hugs. In fact, don’t expect or even try¬†to leave the presence of a free hugger¬†without getting a hug. They will come find you. “I will find you….and I will hug you.”

photo credit: coolspoters.com

photo credit: coolspoters.com

Anaconda¬†Hugger-¬†Anaconda Huggers believe in squeezing love into people. Once you are in the grip of an anaconda hugger, take a deep breath- it may be the last breath you get to take for the next few minutes. Anaconda Huggers are usually people with huge hearts…and strong arms.

Oh Wait! You are just an Acquaintance Hugger- Huggers in this group aren’t much for hugging people they don’t know very well, but they will do it. If you have ever been on the other end of¬†a¬†hug delivered by a person in this category you probably remember reaching out for a firm hug (because you’ve watched them saying good byes¬†to their friends and they give them firm, back slapping hugs) ¬†and then felt them just slip away and the hug is over before it even began. You walk away¬†literally feel like you’ve just been hugged by a mannequin¬†that thought you smelled bad (and thinking I thought we were friends!).

Awkward hugger- Individuals in this group feel lost. They don’t know when to give a hug, when not to give a hug. They don’t know how long to “embrace” so it is either too long or too short. They don’t know whether to give a side hug or a full hug…and usually it ends up being a weird combination of the two. And the poor awkward huggers can’t recognize a hugaphobic when they see one….it can get ugly.

hug


 

Out of all of these categories of huggers I am a little bit of an awkward hugger and the Oh Wait! You are just an Acquaintance Hugger.¬†Hugging friends and family is something that just comes naturally but,…I don’t know you… I don’t know you very well…I just don’t know what to do! To hug or not to hug?

We should all try to hug more. Hugs make us feel safe, they make us feel happy, they make us feel loved. If¬† you aren’t comfortable hugging everyone, that’s OK! Hug the people close to you…hug them more often. We all need hugs (even those of us who don’t really like getting them!)…we all need to know we are cared about. The Huffington Post has an interesting article on the health benefits of hugging called, “7 Reasons Why We Should Be Given More Hugs”. find it here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/03/27/health-benefits-of-huggin_n_5008616.html

When your alarm throws in the towel

My eye lids slowly blinked open. I felt like I just woke up after spending three months in a vegetative state.

How I look waking up..

How I look waking up..

Even though darkness filled the room, I started to hear the zoom of the first wave of the morning rush. Sigh. I would have to wake up soon. I wondered how much time I had, if I was lucky it was the earliest crowd heading for a long commute to DC. If that were so I still had 2 blissful hours to sleep. It certainly was dark enough and I was certainly tired enough.

I picked up my phone and squinted at the blinding light and read 7:25am. I closed my eyes, shook my head. I must still be dreaming. There was no way it was 7:25, if it were true I would have to leave for work in 5 minutes. I reopened my eyes, forcing them to look into the light.

7:26am.

I paused for a moment, staring at the time in horror. I had set the alarm for 6:30am. I had set the alarm and I had turned it up to the highest volume, I was 100% certain. Then the phone buzzed and went dark. It buzzed again, almost angrily sounding; a¬†small¬†box popped up on the screen¬†announcing that google play was shutting down (definitely was sleeping,¬† not playing fruit ninja), next it buzzed with the message that messenger was forced to close (I didn’t even have it open), after it announced that the phone was pretty much throwing in the towel, quitting everything.

7:27am.

Then it hit me-Autumn, you have to leave for work in 3 minutes, why are you staring at your disloyal phone?

The adrenaline kicked in and I flew out of bed and ran to the kitchen to check the clock on the microwave, just in case.

Still 7:27….wait no, now it’s 7:28!

I let out a little scream and dashed to my room to throw on some clothes. I should note that, I’m that employee¬†with the special parking lot for perfect attendance and always being on time. Haha. Not really! But I really strive for punctuality and always being at work on time or early. This could not be happening!

I looked at my reflection in the bathroom mirror and winced. My hair was wild, like I had been riding in a convertible for hours….in tornado alley.¬†Already 7:31, I had no choice but to braid it. I thought that might look a little more put together than a pony tail. Braid done. Next was the makeup, I had fallen asleep still wearing my make up so now I had mascara crumbling on to my cheeks and eyeliner smeared under my eyes.jack sparrow I looked like Jack Sparrow, pretty much. I tried to scrub it off, but then I remembered that my eyeliner is water proof. The smudges became even thicker. And it was 7:34 now. I was frantic. I grabbed the eye makeup remover and wiped away the dark smudging the best I could and reapplied mascara over the crunchy stuff already on. Now my eyelashes looked like tarantula legs. At least it is near Halloween, maybe I could get away with it. 7:36. I needed to leave, and of course I couldn’t find my shoes! I saw my hot pink flip flops in the corner, but no I couldn’t wear those to work and definitely not on a freezing drizzly day. 7:37. The hot pink flip flops were on my feet and I was finally out the door.

When I got to work I ran into my office and closed the door, I had for the most part slipped in, unnoticed and I was on time! YES! Now all I had to worry about was avoiding people and at least I could be grateful that my boss had just left for vacation yesterday.

Several hours into the day, I had a spare moment so I slipped into the bathroom to help tidy my appearance. I looked in the mirror (with better lighting than my own) and it was bad. With my straggly braid and frightening eyelashes and drippy makeup I looked like I had just been on set in the Hunger Games. There was little I could do but once again utter a prayer of thanks that at least my boss was on vacation.hunger games

I was back in¬†my office when I heard the deep voice rumbling through the hall ways. It can’t be. Oh! But¬†it was. The voice grew¬†louder and louder. He was headed my way. He popped into the door and I said a chipper, “I thought you were supposed to be in a car heading to the beach!” My insides were squirming, praying he would stay near the door and at least not catch a glimpse of the hot pink rubber flip flops. He greeted me saying he had forgot to tell me about a detail he had for a project I would be completing in his absence. He was bringing his dog to the kennel and decided to just drop by the office, since it was on the way. The dog was with him and everyone knows¬†I love dogs so I had to go over and pet it or he would know something was up. I got up from my¬†desk and my hot pink flip flops¬†were exposed.

I waited for something, a comment about the unprofessional, blindingly neon pink shoes. But he didn’t say anything!What a relief! Perhaps he was lenient because he was headed to the beach himself? Well, I set the alarm on the radio clock…hopefully that won’t quit on me!

Have you ever woken up late and had to scramble to get to work? Would you rather be late or wear hot pink flip flops to work? (I am questioning my judgment on this…maybe I should’ve taken a few more minutes? But I HATE being late!)

Photo Friday…on Saturday…

Sister road trips are the best. At the time we all worked at the zoo, (it was a family thing-4 of us worked there!) it had been a busy day for Spring¬†and we could not get that clock to tick fast enough. Finally,¬†the floors were scrubbed and mopped, the chairs turned over, the lights turned out, the mouse traps set (haha! Truth! Mice love cotton candy apparently) -with a final glance, we ran out the door and into 10 days of freedom, aka vacation time. Andrea and I had just graduated from college, and if you have gone¬†to a college far from home, you probably understand that empty feeling of returning home and¬†going from¬†having tons of friends to 2 friends- not to mention one of them is your sister.¬†I could not wait to get to Florida, neither could Katie and Andrea, and we decided we wouldn’t wait. The night before and that morning we packed our bags and had them waiting at the front door. The plan was to head out right when we changed out of our zoo gear and said our good byes to our parents. It was nearly 7:00pm when we finally hit the road. We planned on driving straight through, and with three people we formed a “driver rotation”. One person would sleep in the back, one person would drive, one person in the passenger seat would keep the driver awake. I have always liked starting a road trip at night especially if it is an over 20 hour drive and you don’t want to “waste” an ounce of money by staying at a hotel. When you start the trip you have adrenaline on your side, helping keep you awake and alert and then when the sun comes up you are more than half-way there! My boyfriend and I are total opposites when it comes to driving at night. He says he likes to see scenery. Well there ain’t much scenery in Northern New Mexico!

Back to my story: It was a little past midnight when I started driving on the lonely and barren highway. There were few cars, and just a whole lot of nothing, maybe a few tumbleweeds but it was so hard to see them anyway. I was drinking black Columbian coffee, gross but keeps you AWAKE and singing with the radio. This was SOOOO boring. My driving “buddy” that was supposed to keep¬† me awake, fell asleep! It was just me and the road and the thick blackness of an area with no houses and no cities for miles. I looked out the window and gasped. There was a dark shadow of some kind of rock formation. But what stood out to me was the backdrop-Thousands, millions of stars. I pulled over and woke up¬†Andrea and Katie. We hopped out of the car and stood there with our heads bent upwards, staring at a sky filled with glittering stars. We didn’t say anything for a while. There was nothing to say and too much to say all at once. It was so beautiful. I had never before seen so many stars. New Mexico was meant to be¬†driven through at night.

photo credit: google images

photo credit: google images

Where is the spot you have seen the most stars?

Poem, The Girl With Thick Framed Glasses

This is a poem I started a long time ago and finally picked up last week and finished.

The Girl With Thick Framed Glasses

Behind her glasses

Those thick-lined frames

She was one of those people everyone passes,

Disappearing in a sea of names.

Brown hair pulled into a ponytail

A smile touched her pink lips

Her skin was freckled and pale

Her cheeks the color of rose tips.

She worked in the college café

Ringing up orders, making frappes

And by brewing coffee, saving the day-

At least mine, anyway.

The girl that no one for sure knew

Was the one my throat got tight around

When I tried to say “Hi”, my legs turned to glue

My palms got sweaty, my heart would pound.

Behind those thick framed glasses

Were her beautiful eyes-

The color of ginger and molasses-

The love in them stretched to the skies.

To the world she was just a cashier

That rang up their orders each day,

No one noticed her brown hair

Shine when the sun hit it a certain way.

To the world she may not have mattered much,

Just the coffee stop on the way to their classes-

So many lives she did subtly touch,

The girl behind the thick framed glasses.

Talk to the girl that visits your dreams

Who is an angel, just without wings.

Talk to the give with the sweet face,

Whose movements are all touched with grace.

On the last day of school I had one chance

To ask her to the end of year dance.

I walked into the café-

But I couldn’t find the words to say.

“She already has a date,” I thought

“Tell her how you feel!” My courage fought.

She was the girl I longed to know-

She was beautiful, but I couldn’t tell her so.

I paused and looked at her once more-

And turned back, and out the door.

I am the girl with thick framed glasses

The girl that everyone passes

The girl that no one notices in a crowd

Even though I’m screaming so loud.

I’m the girl that needs to know

That in the middle of hundreds of lights,

Someone sees my glow.

I’m the girl that needs to know

That in this big world I am not alone

That I am wanted and longed to be known.

I wrote this with the thought that someone out there may NEED to know they are cared about. Someone out there may NEED YOU. Don’t just assume they know you care…..tell them.