1,000 Waves-poem

1,000 Waves

by Autumn Komzik

 

1,000 waves across the sea

1,000 memories made up you and me.

 

Your eyes crinkled at the corners when you smiled

How the books around you, piled.

How you cut the edges off your toast,

How you liked Rock and Roll the most.

 

The waves spread across the sea,

Turning from one into an infinity.

 

The way we jumped in the leaves in the fall,

How you were so tall, and I was so small.

How you kissed me on a football field,

How in a debate about skim milk, you would never yield.

 

Our memories spread across time

Turning from one, to this entire life of mine.

 

You held me when I left my coat,

If I tickled you, you’d give up the remote.

Your eyes were blue like the ocean,

And changed color with every emotion.

 

One day the 1,000 waves hit the land,

Breaking one by one against the sand.

And like the sand,

We slipped–beautiful crystals through our hands.

1,000 “I love you’s” ended in goodbye,

A final hug, tears in our eyes.

 

How do you forget 1,000 things?

How do you let go of 1,000 dreams?

 

It’s been twenty years and 1,000 things–

Jobs, friends, lovers, wedding rings.

 

But when I visit the ocean, look out across the water

I still see

1,000 waves, you and me.

Boy meets girl 

Boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall in love. Boy and girl get married and live happily ever–boy and girl get a divorce. 

When I was in high school I knew a couple who were madly in love, Dean and Bobbie. They were that couple that made you believe fairy tale love complete with Princesses and Prince Charmings does exist. Both in their early twenties, Dean and Bobbie were successful, attractive, adventurous, and best friends. Even though every girl I knew secretly wanted to end up with Dean, we all knew he and Bobbie belonged together. They were soulmates. Anyone else would be wrong. 

In 2006 Dean and Bobbie had the most beautiful wedding and started their happily ever after. 

I went to college and only saw them occasionally over Winter and summer breaks. They were still madly in love, still living the fairy tale.

After I graduated I realized I hadn’t seen them in a good long time. What do you do when you haven’t seen someone in a while? You look them up on Facebook. When I pulled up the names I saw one thing: DIVORCED. 

I was STUNNED. They were so in love. They completed each other. There was a time when they couldn’t live without each other. WHAT HAPPENED? 

Love is the most powerful thing in the world. If so many people believe in this, why can’t it seem to last forever? 

Because we starve it. 

A general principle in life on keeping something alive, strong, healthy is that you have to take care of it. You have to feed it. Remember those gigga pet things (sorry about the spelling!)- the electronic pet that died if you forgot to feed it one time? Hah! But in all seriousness how many of us got our gigga pet with the determination and devotion that our pet would live forever? Anyone still have a “living” gigga pet? Case and point. 

I think we think and treat love as if it somehow is self sustaining. For years we never feed it, never give it nutrition and we wake up one day to find its just gone. 

What is the key to staying in love? Feed it. What does love thrive on? ROMANCE. 

Why is love dying? Because romance is dying. Romance doesn’t necessarily mean chocolates and hearts and poems. Romance is finding out how to make your mate feel like a million bucks. Not just once, not just twice…but for the rest of your life. 

You may say, “I suck at romance! I am just not a romantic person, I don’t even know where to start with being romantic!” 

Romance is something you can learn. And if you want love that lasts a lifetime, it’s something you’ve got to learn. 

   Love isn’t how much you say it. It’s how much you prove it true. 

 

A really great book I found a while back is 1,000 Ways To Be Romantic. Literally exactly what it sounds like. Another great read on learning romance is The Five Love Languages. everyone is different, including what ways make us feel loved. 

Just remember the key to romance is the other person. Find out what makes them feel special and what makes them feel loved. 

Happily ever afters still exist. They are hard work, but the best things in life rarely come easy! 

Cheers and best wishes to your happily ever after! 😊❤️ 
  

The Hold, a poem

The Hold, a poem

I gave you my heart

Each piece and every part.

I believed for love you had to fight

Give it your all–hold on

Each day and every night.

Happy days came and happy days went

Love is best when it is spent.

Storms came and the storms were strong

I held on for so long.

Lightning split the sky

The wind howled

The waves swelled

The thunder growled.

I held on each day and every night

Because you were worth the fight.

With the rising tide

I felt my fingers weaken

And I started to slide;

I held on tighter-

Strengthened my grip

But I continued to slip.

I looked back, I was headed for a dark sea

I could not hold on

When the only one holding on

was me.

-AK

I am someone who believes love doesn’t quit, is worth fighting for–giving your everything for. But sometimes do we give that love someone who doesn’t love us the same way?  Do we give it to someone who would quit on us?  Do we give it to someone who doesn’t fight for us? Who would let us go? Sometimes, as sad as it is, as much as it goes against our loving someone through the thick and thin, we have to let this person go. You are worth more than that! There is going to be someone out there that will love you fiercely not just kind of love you. But you won’t ever find them if you don’t let go of the wrong person.I don’t know about you but I want someone who fights for me…who is crazy in love with me….who would never let me go no matter what. That’s the kind of love that lasts a life time.

Life Lessons from Gone With the Wind

Yesterday I watched a movie I haven’t watched in …..FOREVER. Even though its been probably over 10 years, I remembered a few things about Gone With the Wind…giant hoop skirts, southern plantations, Clark Gable as Rhett Butler, Vivian Leigh as Scarlet O’Hara, and I remembered the movie was sad. After watching it last night, I was struck by the sadness of it all. It wasn’t just a little sad, it was heartbreaking! I felt like bursting into tears. There was so much loss, so many words not said, so many lives torn apart. I really couldn’t stop thinking about this movie vivian leahfor hours into the night…and I took some things to heart.

Practical Life Lessons from Gone With the Wind:

Don’t chase after the Ashley’s in life and miss the great guy you have right in front of you.This is probably the biggest lesson I got out of this movie. Don’t waste your time on a person that is with someone else (let alone married…never do that!!). Scarlet had told Ashley her feelings before he ever even got married…he could’ve chosen Scarlet, but he didn’t! If the person you like doesn’t like you…MOVE ON! Stop pining over the dream of them…you could be missing out on the person who is quite perfect for you. “No, I don’t think I’ll kiss you, although you need kissing badly. That’s what’s wrong with you. You should be kissed and often, and by someone who knows how.” -Rhett Butler.

If you are an Ashley…stop it! If there is someone in your life that is your friend…maybe even your ex…maybe you even care about them…BUT you don’t see a future with them (and you get married!!!) stop stringing them along. It might be hard to do because you don’t want to hurt them but you are doing far more damage by letting them hope and not be able to move onto better things! “Ashley, you should have told me years ago that you loved her and not me, and not left me dangling with your talk of honor. But you had to wait till now, now when Melly’s dying. To show me that I could never be any more to you than, than this Watling woman is to Rhett … And I’ve loved something that doesn’t really exist. Somehow, I don’t care. Somehow, it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter one bit.” -Scarlet to Ashley

Don’t be too proud to tell people, “I’m sorry.” If only Scarlet would have learned this earlier….how different her life would have turned out. Own up to your mistakes and apologize…before it is too late!“My darling, you’re such a child. You think that by saying “I’m sorry,” all the past can be corrected.”-Rhett to Scarlet.

Money isn’t everything. When we become obsessed and willing to do anything for money…we slowly become poisoned. Scarlet lived for money and it slowly destroyed her. When Scarlet married Rhett she became filthy rich. She could have anything she could possibly want. Yet her life seemed so depressing. There was no laughter no kindness and very little love. “I liked to think that Bonnie was you, a little girl again, before the war, and poverty had done things to you. She was so like you, and I could pet her and spoil her, as I wanted to spoil you. But when she went, she took everything.”– Rhett to Scarletclark gable

Learn how to communicate. Scarlet and Rhett were constantly crossing signals. Take a risk and tell your significant other how you really feel and what they mean to you. Rhett Butler: “I’m leaving you, my dear. All you need now is a divorce and your dreams of Ashley can come true. “
Scarlett: “Oh, no! No, you’re wrong, terribly wrong! I don’t want a divorce. Oh Rhett, but I knew tonight, when I… when I knew I loved you, I ran home to tell you, oh darling, darling!”
Rhett Butler: “Please don’t go on with this, Leave us some dignity to remember out of our marriage. Spare us this last.”
Scarlett: “This last? Oh Rhett, do listen to me, I must have loved you for years, only I was such a stupid fool, I didn’t know it. Please believe me, you must care! Melly said you did.”
Rhett Butler: “I believe you. What about Ashley Wilkes?”
Scarlett: “I… I never really loved Ashley.”
Rhett Butler: “You certainly gave a good imitation of it, up till this morning. No Scarlett, I tried everything. If you’d only met me half way, even when I came back from London.”
Scarlett: “I was so glad to see you. I was, Rhett, but you were so nasty.”
Rhett Butler: “And then when you were sick, it was all my fault… I hoped against hope that you’d call for me, but you didn’t.”
Scarlett: “I wanted you. I wanted you desperately but I didn’t think you wanted me.”

Don’t give up! Scarlet is a person that never gave up. She is a fighter. Fight for the people you love and never give up on them (other than if they are an Ashley). “I can’t let him go. I can’t. There must be some way to bring him back. Oh, I can’t think about this now! I’ll go crazy if I do! I’ll think about it tomorrow. But I must think about it. I must think about it. What is there to do? What is there that matters? Tara! Home. I’ll go home. And I’ll think of some way to get him back.”-Scarlet O’Hara

 

Derek…Man or Monster…the continuation

It was the moment she had waited her whole life for. Nadia took in a long breath of air as she looked at herself in the full length mirror. She had touched her wavy hair with the smallest amount of mousse giving her golden hair the appearance she had just been strolling along the

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beach. Her makeup made her bright sea green eyes irresistible to look at. She wore a white dress and golden dangle earrings. She looked beautiful. It was always how she wanted to look when she was meeting her future husband.

In Derek…Man or Monster..Part 1, you were introduced to Nadia, the gorgeous girl who wanted nothing to do with the dating scene and tired of the “boys that ran around thinking they were men” after a break-up with her fiance. She ended up meeting Derek, who was “suddenly” headed to the same college as her through an online chat room. In one week Derek and Nadia felt like they were soul mates. She returned to college and is getting ready to meet Derek for the first time…face to face. 

I watched as Nadia gave herself a one last once over in the mirror. She looked prettier than I had ever seen her…and I didn’t know that level of beauty could be accomplished. I knew it wasn’t her makeup or outfit or hair that made her extra pretty; it was the glow of happiness that radiated out of her. She looked like a bride about to walk down the aisle. Then I glanced once again at the lap top that had 54 pictures of Derek, her mystery online guy, floating across her screen. I was nervous. I mean, online dating is a little crazy, right? Then I looked back at Nadia’s face filled with joy. I hadn’t seen her look like this in a long time, certainly not with her ex-fiance who hadn’t even reached the “boy” category in the life cycle of the male species; with his whiny attitude, he seemed to be trapped in the “baby” stage.  Pushing aside my skepticism, I decided to send her off, daring to hope.

“You look so gorgeous!” I said running up to her and giving her a little hug.

“Thanks!” She said sincerely while flashing a smile, “I hope he thinks so!”online dating

I rolled my eyes, “He will…trust me!”

She glanced down at her cell phone to check the time. “Oh my gosh! I better go!” She let out a nervous yet happy squeal and picked up her purse.

“Just call if you need an exit or a way out or anything.”

She clasped the door knob and prepared to walk out, “I won’t need it, but thanks so much!” she said in all confidence.

“OK! You could be meeting your future husband in like 5 minutes!” I said and afterward immediately started to wonder if I shouldn’t have been encouraging this. But that’s what friends do.

*

Nadia was almost to the little cafe on campus known as the Palms Grille. It wasn’t the ideal place for meeting your future husband, but it would do. Nadia’s heart was beating wildly. She could feel the sweat on her palms as they tightly squeezed the handle of her purse. She was about to meet the sweetest, most caring, funny, romantic man on earth. She couldn’t wait to see the man in the pictures. The man who was muscular, tall, had large hazel eyes and a thick shock of brown hair and a complexion that made it look like he had walked off the cover of a magazine.

She opened the door to the Palms Grille, a grin spreading across her face. She was floating on cloud nine. She scanned the crowds of people and couples sitting at the fancy round tables. After two minutes of searching she felt a pang of fear, where was Derek?

She gulped and scanned again. No sign of him. She stood, stick straight in the waiting area and proceeded to stare down at the restaurant door. She felt doubt creep in the back of her mind as the minutes ticked on and on.

Suddenly she felt a gentle tap on her shoulder. She jumped and whorled around.

It wasn’t Derek, just a young pimple faced teenager who probably worked here and was wondering if she needed to be seated.

“I’m just waiting for someone,” Nadia said quickly and returned to her constant stare at the door of the restaurant.

“Wow you’re beautiful!” the teenager exclaimed.

Nadia gave him a polite smile, wishing he would leave her in peace.

“Nadia! It’s me, it’s….. Derek!” the teenager suddenly exclaimed opening his arms widely as if he was inviting her to run into them.

Nadia felt like her throat dropped to her stomach. This was a joke. She snapped her head around looking back at this… this… child before her. “What?” she asked astounded.

“It’s D-Derek, it’s me,” he said, his voice reminded her of wind whistling through the trees.

He was talking, but Nadia didn’t hear a word he was saying. The man before her was at her level in height, not the 6ft dream she pictured. His brown hair was laced with so much gel it formed deadly looking spikes across his head; and it was thin, she could see glimpses of his white scalp through his hair. Deep widow’s peaks Dracula would envy carved into his hairline. A constellation of pimples were strung across his high forehead. His lips were thin, disappearing as he smiled. This was impossible. There was no way this bean pole was the hunk she had met online. No way. Then she looked at his eyes. Large, thickly lined hazel eyes with heavy eyelids. The eyes were the same eyes that belonged to Derek. She gulped suddenly remembering the one picture out of 54 that hadn’t matched the rest of the pictures. Her stomach flip flopped. This was the guy. This was indeed, Derek.

In a daze she was lead by Derek to a table near a water fountain. He sat down across from her, but pulled his chair a little nearer, finally he asked, “Are you alright, my darling?”

Nadia was snapped back into reality. She found her words, “You, you look…” her voice trailed off. She couldn’t be cruel. Looks didn’t matter. Derek had a heart of gold and that would make him attractive…eventually.

“I have a surprise for you,” he said in his soft way.

“O-O-K,” Nadia said nervously. She could feel the fast plummet in her heart as she slowly, or rather, rapidly was falling from cloud nine.

Nadia, falling from cloud 9

Nadia, falling from cloud 9

Derek widened his large doe eyes and whipped out a book so quickly from under the table Nadia caught her breath. Derek nearly shoved the book in her face proclaiming dramatically, “THIS is FOR US!”

With her fingers, Nadia pushed the book away from where it had tapped her nose. She scrunched her eyes, reading the cover. Karate for Lovers. She couldn’t help but quizzically and frightfully raise her eyebrows.

“What is that?” she asked, wondering if she would even want to know.

Derek laughed a high pitched, shaky laugh. “My darling love, it is a book about karate I want you to read. Then I’ll teach you!” He said hopping up from his seat and chopping the air like he was on some kind of Chinese film.

Nadia bulged her eyes and grabbed his arm. People were staring. “That’s very…nice.” Derek kicked the air. Nadia chuckled looking around the room, hoping no one she knew was in here.

Finally Nadia urged him to sit down. He talked and talked about space and aliens; he talked about karate and his medications; he talked about how they would name their first son, Spock; he talked about his emotions and dragons and his passion for video games and he talked about their future wedding; With every word he spoke, Nadia felt any hope of this man being her soul mate die. How could she have not known all these things about him? In fact, she was at the point where she was longing to run away and pretend this never happened.

Suddenly Derek reached out his thin fingers with unnaturally long nails, Nadia noted, and touched her cheek. Nadia’s insides crawled. He leaned in forward. His rubber band lips were forming into a pucker. Nadia jumped to her feet.

“I’m-I’m so sorry Der-ek!”

Derek’s eyes grew huge and perplexed. “Passion flower, what is the matter? I’ve been waiting so long to kiss you. Come, don’t be so modest.”

Nadia shook her head, pretending he didn’t just refer to her as “passion flower”; “Derek, I’m just not sure about this-any of it. I think I just-I was engaged and I was emotional and I’m so sorry, Derek, but I think I’m not ready for this.” The words came out a tangled mess.

Derek’s eyes filled with tears. They ran down his bony cheeks.

Nadia felt terrible. She hated that she had caused him so much pain. “I’m so so so sorry! I wasn’t ready to meet anyone…and I just let me emotions run wild! I’m truly sorry, Derek.”

“You don’t ever want to see me again, do you?” He asked her in a whisper.

Nadia was a softy and Derek seemed nice enough, even though they had nothing in common they could at least be friends, right? “We can be friends still, if you want…” secretly she hoped he’d say no.

He stared off into space and then closed his eyes, squeezing out more tears. “I will die without you!” Nadia stood, speechless, then Derek added, “so I suppose we can be friends.”

*

Nadia and Derek never ended up getting married…and the friendship was a short lived catastrophe.

*

 I am a person who believes you can find the right person in many different places…the internet…maybe??? Sites like E-harmony and Match.com seem like the best avenues to meet someone online…if you MUST meet someone this way. But I would avoid it if possible. The thing about the internet and face book etc. is they only give you one view of a person. You don’t get to see how they react to situations in life (good and bad), you don’t get to see expression of emotion, you don’t get to see what it’s like just to hang out with them.  You are trusting pictures and words.We all are our best versions online. Many times we see someone online with a great picture, they say a few awesome things, and we fill in the rest of what we imagine them to be like with our “ideal/dream” person. We fall for them quickly without really knowing them because who doesn’t fall in love with a perfect person? If you decide to try this method of meeting your soul mate, be VERY CAREFUL and know what you want and know what to look for. You also MUST PLAN on meeting that person…and sooner rather than later.

What I am wondering is if anyone has a success story? I know they exist!! What do you think of internet dating…good idea or just inviting creepers into your life? Have you met your soul mate online? Does internet dating work? If so, what makes internet dating work? Does anyone have any internet dating fail stories?



 

D E R E K…man or monster?

Nadia looked at her phone, afraid to see how late it was. 2:04 AM. A day spent helping about 1000 people-packs of children, moms pushing obnoxiously sized strollers, couples walking hand in hand, and huge families that decided it would be a great idea to go to the zoo for their reunion were all in her work day future. She needed to turn in, she was exhausted.  But then she heard the little ding that had been her central focus for nearly a week. That had kept her awake till nearly 3:00 AM every night. Her eyes popped back up to the screen of her mac book to see she had a juicy message waiting. Her heart beat quickened as she opened the message from him- a man she thought didn’t exist – couldn’t exist.

Two weeks ago she had been engaged.  For all her life she dreamed of finding a good man and getting married and living happily ever after. It always seemed like it would be a piece of cake. Then came a slew of crummy relationships and a quickly ended engagement. They had all led her to doubt if  her dream of happily ever after could ever happen; or if real men even existed.  She was sick of getting her heart broken. Sick of being on a roller coaster ride of emotions. She was sick of the game of dating and for now she had enough of it! Becoming a nun and living a quiet life of celibacy was an idea rolling around in her head. Perhaps things would be easier that way.

And then he came along- the man who had been keeping her awake until the wee hours of the night – the man that caused her to hope again : Derek.

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He didn’t come along like the other guys. Nadia was beautiful. Strangers were daily proclaiming her beauty to her. “I just have to tell you…you’re GORGEOUS!”; “You look exactly like Olivia Wilde!” ; “I want your eyes!” ; “You’re like the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen!”  With her perfect figure, long thick golden hair, straight white teeth and bright green eyes, getting guys to notice her wasn’t difficult. In fact, getting guys NOT to notice her was the hard part. And right now she wanted nothing to do with the boys that ran around thinking they were men.

How Derek came along was subtle. He didn’t come along with a cheesy pick-up line asking for her number. He didn’t come along bragging about how much he could “lift”. He didn’t come along trying to impress her with jokes. He didn’t come along like most guys, which was why he was able to get close. He sneaked into her life through a lit-up rectangle screen and housed in a mysterious world known as …..“The Internet”.

Nadia never believed in meeting a man online and finding love by means of the internet. It was just plain weird in her mind. But here she was now…a week later, daring to believe in the impossible. Derek was so sweet and romantic. He made Nadia feel like she was the most amazing person in the world…and not just her body, her heart. He wasn’t cocky. He was humble and funny. Nadia glanced at his picture. Other than the fact he was an absolute gem personality-wise he was good looking…quite good looking. He had a dazzling smile that carved adorable dimples in his cheeks, he had big deep green and brown eyes with thick eyelashes and a full head of brown hair. He was like a thief in the night…the object of his desire…was her heart. And very quickly, he was stealing it. She read his message, her heart pounding.

“I know this is going to sound crazy…but I think I’m falling in love with you. In fact…I know it. I feel it in my heart. Do you ever just know things? I mean know them in your heart? I’ve never felt this connection with anyone…ever. I always used to think the idea of soul mates was stupid…until I met you…I feel like my soul is bonded to you somehow. Goodness! Is this crazy or what?”

Nadia gasped. It was crazy…but so romantic!  Part of her mind begged her to reconsider. Begged her to be careful. Begged her to at least wait until she met the guy when she went back to college in a week. The other part of her wanted to fall into his internet arms…confessing her love for him. They did have a strong…almost unreal connection after all. And he had made her heart feel alive and happy again. Could it be true? Could people fall in love on the internet? internet dating

A week later –

I looked at the computer screen that had an endless slide show of pictures of Nadia’s “internet man”, Derek, floating across it. He was pretty darn cute I even had to admit…in almost all of the 54 pictures he sent her. There was only one picture that confused me. A picture of “Derek” that barely looked like the handsome buck he was in all of the rest of the pictures. I actually couldn’t figure out how this person…could even be same person in the 53 other photos. Oh well. I knew I shouldn’t be shallow. According to Nadia, Derek was a rare find in a man. He was a gem. And his looks didn’t matter. Still I the whole thing was weird. I am a total romantic. I believed in love and in soul mates and I believed you could meet them in the craziest ways; but I was wary of meeting them through the internet. It just seemed so shady. So impersonal.  When Nadia told me how she thought she met “the one” two weeks after breaking up with her fiance, needless to say I was skeptical…but by the glow in her eyes I hoped it was true.

I supposed we would find out if it was true, if she had found the man of her dreams, in just about an hour…when she would met him face to face.

…To Be Continued…

What do you think of internet dating? Do you think it’s possible to find love online?

 

 

 

 

“For Everything he did Wrong, He did One thing Right” Lessons From Juan Pablo

Lessons from Juan Pablo #2 “For All the things he did wrong, he did do one thing right: show us what NOT to look for in a mate.”
I used to wish that the name of the person I was supposed to be with could be simply written on an index card and slipped into my mailbox entitled, “Autumn’s Soul Mate.” How easy would life be? But, if it did happen this way, there are so many things we wouldn’t learn. I believe God gave us common sense, and He wants us to use it.
One thing that bugged me about Juan Pablo is that he couldn’t seem to come up with specific reasons for liking a girl; for Nikki he said, “She is soooooooo sexy;” “She’s a good kisser;” “She’s beautiful,” and then lastly “She has a heart for people.”Umm…ok. Getting compliments on our looks is GREAT! But you want someone that appreciates your inside too. Juan Pablo managed to pick out that ‘she has a heart for people’ and that ‘she was honest (which he said about EVERYONE)’. Two great qualities, but he tended to obsess about the girls looks more than anything. WARNING: if a guy (or a girl for the guys) when asked why they like you can only list things about your appearance, this could mean a serious red flag.
Do you want love that lasts for a life time? Then you need to look for certain qualities in a person! Here is a list of some “must have” qualities to look for:

1. Honesty
One speaker put it perfectly, “A woman can live with an imperfect man, but never a liar!” You want someone you can trust. In fact it is very hard to have a relationship filled with love if there isn’t trust. And beware of the little lies…it can mean he/or she is very comfortable telling them.
2. Respect
When someone has learned to respect others, they have an amazing quality. You want someone that is in the habit of viewing people, all people with having an amazing value. Lack of respect screams of a person that is full of themselves and hard to get along with. Do you really want to be with that? A person that is respectful will value your thoughts and opinions and body. A respectful person will not make you feel cheap and used. (Btw…if someone makes you feel bad about his/her going to strip clubs or looking at porn…you are not the crazy, jealous girlfriend or boyfriend they may have called you…you just want to be valued and respected…and in fact they are just being incredibly disrespectful!!!)
3. Kindness/Consideration/Communication
Juan Pablo struck down in this category. He seems like a nice guy so I’ll give him that but, he was extremely inconsiderate and bad at communication. This became clear as the Bachelor Season started to wind down. He didn’t ask questions (it was all about him and his needs) and time and time again he was rude under the guise of “being honest.” You need an honest person, but you need someone who can say “hard, honest things” in a very kind respectful and loving way-it’s called being considerate. Also, along the same lines, look for someone that is just a nice person! I will never understand the obsession with the “bad boy/bad girl.” Someone that smiles, talks kindly to people, and is genuinely caring will be “more exciting and fulfilling” in the long run than someone who is “dangerous.” Lastly, I wedged communication in here, because it really is an important quality. Good communicators ask questions and give real answers. (Bad Communication example from Juan Pablo: saying “It’s Ok” all the time…)Communicators learn how to open up and share their feelings.
4. Loyal
My stomach sort of did a flip when Juan Pablo’s family warned the girls how he would just “peace out” when the going is tuff. WHAT? If your boyfriend or girlfriend’s family member tells you this, run for the hills! If you want to be in love for a life time it is absolutely necessary to have the kind of person that cares enough about the relationship to fight for it. Life is full of ups and downs you want someone you can rely on through the journey.

To sum up, look for someone with, “A Good Name”- having a “good name” is having established good character. This is the kind of person you want. This is the kind of person you will admire and love for a lifetime.

As you start dating and “talking” to potential mates guard your heart and check for character. NOTE: Again, no one is perfect; but you want someone who strives for good character, who though they may and will fail, they never stop striving for those good qualities.

UP NEXT: Ever since I was little I was obsessed “love” and “Mr. Right.” I was always sure that I would find my soul mate and be madly in love with him forever. But, as I grew up, I actually wondered if true love could last. Thousands of marriages fall apart every single year; and people fall out of love at an alarming rate! Then, there are the people that stay married and “grow old together”- they simply seem to have nothing better to do than to bicker and complain about the other person. So I pose this question: is life-long love just a fairy tale?
I decided that it isn’t.
Read my next blog entry titled, “True love: just for fairy tales?” Lesson’s from Juan Pablo.

Lessons from Juan Pablo

Lessons from Juan Pablo

Do Prince Charming’s exist? A look at Romance….

I can tell you that after the Bachelor’s Juan Pablo, a lot of girls out there probably lost all hope in the male species. But, there is hope! Our Princes are out there, but they are rare and can be hard to find!

In today’s society, we are hammered into our minds to “follow our hearts”- we are told it’s the only true way to fall in love. However, I say follow your head first and then open your heart and give it away to the RIGHT MAN. The first lesson that we can learn from Juan Pablo actually centers around Nikki, Claire, and all of us women who choose to follow our hearts.

You watched it, painfully I might add, as Nikki and Claire had the red flag of “danger!” “danger!” waving in front of their faces time and time again. They even would question the red flag for a moment and then…right when you think they would do something about it…they succumbed to the “charm’s” and “ok’s” and “everything is great’s” and “honesty” of Juan Pablo. All of us watching saw it, (even me! Who btw at first kept making excuses for him-I wanted to believe he was a good guy!) and we all couldn’t understand why the girls would do nothing about it! Well, girls most of us have all been in Nikki and Claire’s situation.

We have all “followed our heart”, letting our feelings take over our better judgment. What happens, for girls and guys alike, is we start liking someone without knowing what qualities to look for in a person-we just put it all on the line (our hearts, emotions, lives) based souly on what our heart tells us. For me, that meant making excuses for bad things the guy would do, over and over again. My friends would tell me things that they were concerned about, but I would dismiss it and be totally blind in my feelings. It has been said that “love is blind”-which is a good thing when you are in love with a good person (that way you look past their small mistakes!); but “blind love” can just mean “heart break” and “unhappiness” if we have chosen to fall in love with a person lacking good character. I have been guilty of this simply “following my heart” without stepping back and thinking clearly and of course at the end of the road I got a broken heart. There is a better way!

How do we find our Mr. Right? First, we need to step back and figure out the essential qualities that need to be in a life-mate. And I’m not saying a crazy list of “perfections”-REMEMBER NO ONE IS PERFECT! But true love that lasts a long time can happen when you are with someone that has good character.

Next time I’ll write about some key qualities to look for in a mate titled, “For all the things Juan Pablo did wrong, he did one thing right: show us what NOT to look for in a relationship!” haha! Long title I know, but come on, pretty funny!