“You should settle down”

When you become a certain age you will often have people tell you, “It is time for you to start thinking about settling down.” Or maybe you start to think about this idea of “settling down” yourself.

What comes to mind when you hear the words, “settling down”? Sadly, right when I hear the words settle down the first thing that comes to mind is BORING. No more sporadic fun adventures. Life is OVER. I think a lot of other people might just feel this way too.

The good news is we are wrong about this notion that settling down means our lives are getting boring. People…we just make it boring.

What settling down actually means….

You are starting to take certain things more seriously in life….maybe you aren’t as “wild & crazy” as you once were. Things that weren’t as important to you are things that are becoming important. Maybe you are tired of renting and want to own a house or buy a piece of land, maybe you want to get married, get a job that will turn into a career…whatever it is, you are ready for a step that is more permanent than ever before.

There are AWESOME things that happen when you settle down:

1. You realize to reach certain goals or if you hope to retire you must DO SOMETHING! YOU become a MOTIVATED individual. Motivated people have purpose!
2. You are trying…and succeeding! People who succeed at things are confident!
3. You are fulfilling dreams! Umm…who doesn’t love fulfilling dreams!?
4. You are finding things or people that are AWESOME and hey, not just a one-time deal! Diamonds or crystal?
5. You are probably earning more money than you ever have before in your life!! Do I need to say anything?

Why do so many us adults, who after we settle down, seem so miserable or our lives very boring?

I think it’s because when we think of “settling down” we literally throw all fun out the door with it. We literally think, or even tell ourselves, “My life is about to get boring. All fun and games are OVER.” We have this attitude, this belief that life is no longer going to be carefree and fun. And if we think that way…I think things will turn out that way.

Yeah, maybe settling down means you are “growing up” and you do have to take certain things seriously. But why do we think we can’t enjoy life, laugh a ton and have fun?

Instead of thinking we are “settling down” why don’t we think of it as “settling up”?

Tips for SETTLING UP (but of course can be used at any time in life!)

Stay in shape. Please, please don’t let yourself go. It isn’t fair to who you are with or to yourself! Make being healthy a priority…you will NEVER REGRET IT!

Become an adventurer. An adventure honestly is just doing new things for the sake of doing them. Go to a new coffee shop, hike up a mountain, stay in a ritzy hotel, camp in the backyard, help out at the soup kitchen, read a book, travel to a new spot… be active!

Don’t OVER-SPEND! Over-spending or biting off more than you can chew and getting in debt leads us down a dark spiral straight to adulthood misery. We have this the bigger the better mindset…always thinking THINGS buy us happiness. Nope! If you have less money troubles and a smaller house you will be less stressed out and hey…happier. You don’t need to bury yourself in a half a million dollar loan (unless you can afford it, awesome!). There is beauty in simplicity.

If you get married…marry someone who has common interests. Not everything of course…what is the fun in that!!?? But big things like religion, attitude (I think the other person’s attitude about life should be a top priority! Don’t marry someone who is often very, very negative!), and similar life goals are all things you should have close to the same ideas about.

Learn not to “Sweat the Small Stuff.” Why do we make a big deal about stupid things? There is a great book about this topic, “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff…And It’s All Small Stuff.” If you have time…read it!

Make time for people. You don’t need a million friends to be happy, just a good little group. Be a good friend, boyfriend, girlfriend, mom or dad, spouse by giving people time, really listening and making them feel important and special.

All about attitude. A good life really is all about your attitude. Your attitude will affect how you view and live your life. YOUR ATTITUDE MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE. Your attitude will affect your marriage, job, kids, and YOU. Your attitude will get you through the bad times and make the good times better.

Don’t settle down. Settle UP!

HAPPY MONDAY!!!

Change

Change. 

It’s a word that makes me excited and strikes fear into my heart all at the same time. 

There’s lots of different types of change. I like to categorize them into four general groups.

The GOOD- This is the kind of change that all, any human welcomes eagerly. This change in life’s story involves something awesome happening that you’ve only dreamed of happening. And you embrace it, with all your heart. For example: You just won the lottery! 

The BAD- this change isn’t actually bad…it’s a great thing. Its change that is saving you from something bad–your saving grace. This second group of change is tough but it’s necessary. This type of change usually involves our willpower. We don’t eagerly accept it.  We fight through it because if we realize if we don’t change we are headed for disaster. Example: losing weight, getting out of a bad relationship, overcoming an addiction.

The UGLY- This type of change refers to situations in which we have no control over. It is thrust upon us without our choice.This change is usually very unexpected and often unpleasant (at first). Example: losing a job, getting bit by a super spider and becoming Spider-Man.

And then there’s that last category of change–the one the bulk of this post is about.

The CHOICE. This category of change is  when in life you find yourself facing a path which leads two, five, or seventeen different ways. Each one of them means change, you just have to decide which path to take. You know you can’t just stand there and not ever choose. These are the changes that you are in control of but often leave you with questions and the dreaded task of making a decision and sticking to it. This type of change involves taking a risk or a chance. And sometimes you don’t know how it will turn out. Haha! Can you guess which category of change I am facing right now!? 😉 

As I was thinking about change and making a decision, this thought hit me. 

What really makes a good life? 

You do. 

It’s not money or a perfect job or a house on the beach…you make your life good. It’s up to you. Even though I’d love all those things….I can still be happy without them. There’s nothing more dangerous than waiting for something to happen to live and fully enjoy life. You’ve got to choose happiness where you’re at, you’ve got to choose to make the most of your life now. If you live each day to its fullest–smiling, thankful, laughing, building good relationships, loving people, helping people, exploring, etc., no matter where life takes you…rich or poor, moving here or there…you will have a good life. There are so many things we have no control over in life, but what we do have control over is our attitudes and actions. 

What’s the point of all of this? 

Change happens. Sometimes it’s good sometimes it’s bad. Sometimes you have a say in the matter and sometimes you don’t. But no matter what change brings your way…you can always be in charge of how you face it or reacte to it.

Stay positive! Do good! Make people know they matter! Try your best! Be the best possible version of yourself! Enjoy the little things! If you’re doing that…no matter what path you take, what change you embrace…it will be okay!

Half empty…or half full?

Don’t let negativity steal your smile.

I was planning on sharing an update on my book progress, (Exciting things happening in the Autumn writing world!) but this just had to be shared.

Sometimes I feel like there are people out there who wake up, get on their computers or go to their jobs, to school, or  to the grocery store and literally look for ways to rain down on someone else’s happiness. What is awful is these people influence the world around them in HUGE ways. Their harsh words or attitudes stick in our minds, and even if we don’t like to admit it they affect us.

I like to think of Negativity as a train, a loud train that is ever present, always honking and rumbling through the world. It is a train that is absolutely free to ride with unlimited space, and it is literally begging people to jump on board. It promises the passengers that they will never have their hopes dashed or never be fooled.  But what most passengers don’t look at when they get on board is where the train is headed….which is straight to Misery.

Negativity doesn’t just happen over night. It can happen to anyone, take over anyone’s life. And it all starts with one small choice. Maybe something bad happened, horrible even. It’s okay to be sad…heartbroken, when bad things happen. But often times we hold onto those bad things, those hurts and replay them in our minds. And because the bad things are on our mind always present even in a small way, we start to see more bad things. Before long even things we once thought were so good are tainted. We are quick to point out the faults in other people and in things, and in our own misery we try and pull others down with us. (What is that quote? Misery likes company?)  We think we immune to being fooled or hurt or disappointed, but instead we are losing friends and opportunities and dreams.

If you look for the bad in things you will ALWAYS find it. Bad things happen every day, which is why it is so easy to be negative.

Fight negativity with being positive. Being positive (just like being negative) starts with a choice. You have to choose it. And being positive doesn’t mean you have a smile on your face 24/7. Being positive is choosing to make the GOOD THINGS in life BIGGER than the bad things. Good things happen every day…and if you are looking for them you’ll find them. You’ll find more friends, more opportunities, and you’ll simply enjoy life more.